Poetic Prose

Eric Segaard - Other than the pain, what I feel most often in the wee hours is sadness. I'd rather dig a ditch with a spoon. In one boot.

Be that as it may, just knowing I'm not alone in holding a private, turbid vigil is worth trading my spoon. And the boot.

Here's part of another one from the inspirational Eric Segaard:

Life is worth everything. Life IS everything. Survival is a duty we must cling to in quiet desperation or in howling agony. We are the first and last defense in every moment of this existence, to provide as much opportunity for joy and laughter and hope as the last drop of sweat we have will bring. Friends, life is all there is. Grasp it with tooth and nail and demand that every circumstance that arrives pays you the respect of knowing you WILL master any despair that dares to offend you, in your journey for yourself, and every soul that is a part of you. This power and potential is within all of us. Together, it will always be ours.

Dorothy tells me I have a way with words.

Little does she know that the Big Yin (Billy Connolly) learned to swear from the Scott Bruce school of executive language skills.

So Here is my contribution

Cluster Headaches by Scott Bruce - 06/03/2014 10:25

Oyyaaaaah, thems be sare...

Hurty hurty Hurty things.....

@$%kidy &*$k $%@ $£&#

whens the next one.

I hope you all take solace in my graceful prose on the subject. 

Scott x

Scott,you are to prose what Joseph Stalin was to democracy.

Hahahaha! Scott you are totally bonkers - och aye!!!

Sitting in a car park but here's a short one:

Oor Scott is a fine braw lad
Pity he's completely mad! :-D

Och Aye........Och Aye.....

Just a thought Scott, but you could change your signature to New York??   So good they.....

Haha,

I see the world is yet to understand my poetic style...

The aforementioned lad, the one who's bats
Is the Pied Scottish Piper who took all the rats :-)

Colin Allen,

I sought William Topaz McGonnagall from Bonnie Dundee as my Poetic Mentor.

and Dorothy, they are Degus not rats, put that into Prose

An old woman was sat in a pay loo

When she thought she caught sight of a Degus.....

It nibbled her piece and pooped on her brolly

Which left her feeling fair peely-wally

hahaha - I'll have to look at the photos to see what degus are...

I had a look, they're very cute - they'd fit inside your shoe

Mix a bunny, mouse, a little rat and there you have a degus

They live in a small house made from ice called a Daygloo.

The northern lights make the daygloos appear to glow in the dark.

Not alot of people know that......

I don't think I am olone in the Loonatic Stakes here!!!!!

I'm with you all the way Scott!

I'm blame the medication!  7 months in battle with the Beast has left me somewhat numbed

Jane (er' indoors) says Hi

What did you think of my Scottish?  Not bad for a Surrey boy!!

Your Scottish is fine for an Surrey Lad, (Pretends to know where Surrey actually is other then South)

From the film director Frank Capra who was a sufferer:

Suddenly a huge phantom bird sank three talons of its angry claws deeply into my head and face and tried to lift me. No warnings, no preliminary signs. Just wham! A massive, killing pain came over my right eye. I clutched my head, stumbled out to the broad lawns and over the hedges to the deserted tennis courts and then, there in the dark, I moaned, I panted. Ballooned my cheeks, blew out short bursts of air, licked my hot lips, wiped tears that poured out of my right eye, and clawed at my head trying to uproot the fiendish talons from their iron grip. One racking hour later the talons let go. The paroxysm eased as suddenly as it had convulsed. Euphoria set in. It's gone! Whopping headache, but it's gone!..."

Eric Segaard - Self-Talk



Wow!

Pain.

Discomfort.

Distaste.

Discord.

Alarming sensation.

It happens all the time.

Don't freak out.

Well, shit!

Life is always like this;

it's your normal.

How will I get anything done?

This is thoroughly oppressive.

Maybe I'm a secretly a projection here

from a world with harsher conditions.

It doesn't matter.

Try to just be, and let the doing do itself.

Enough Zen/ Tao crap.

But it helps; calm yourself.

How can anybody stay calm like this?

Think of calm as a regular activity,

not a destination.

So many things might make it worse.

Or not.

I have to get away from this.

You are this.

This is intolerable.

There is more than just pain.

Not always.

But there is enough that isn't -

there is beauty;

there is serendipity;

there is understanding.

Not enough, though.

Look harder.

I can't.

Yes, you can.

Why is everything always so difficult?

You forget how far you've come.

But I always start over.

You always endure.

I guess I deal with it.

You cope better over time.

I'm about to fly apart sometimes.

You regain control faster these days.

Only when I remember.

Then remember.

I get so weak, so tired.

Your skill at finding strength increases.

The pain drowns out everything.

Devour the best moments you can.

It's not all bad right now; I'm writing.

Serendipity.

I guess this is calming.

See?

But I'm losing it again.

But you'll get to a good place again.

Why can't I stay there?

It doesn't matter.

It does to me!

You need to adjust your expectations.

You need to shut up.

I keep you going.

I know.

Let's both shut up.

We need stillness.

This one's from another CHSG friend, Steve Pool, who sadly is no longer with us:

Steve Pool:

Have you ever had a brain freeze from eating ice cream too fast?

What if that pain did not go away?

What if it stayed concentrated in 1 spot and the pain increased times 10?

What if that pain stayed that savage for hours, days and then weeks?

What if you had Cluster Headaches?

For years, one of my “CH Heroes” ended with the signature “The Beast will not win”.  I used to aspire to such a courageous outlook, but sadly I’m left falling well short.  Whether I’m being defeatist or whether I’m a realist, only those with an all seeing eye like the “Big Man” upstairs can tell (no, not God, I don’t think he uses the word “Tosser”)!

For me, the Beast is like a lava flow ploughing a relentless path down a mountain side, leaving a trail of destruction and deep scarring, both visible and not so visible.  The problem is, you can build the biggest and best dam in the world, but all it will lead to is a temporary diversion before it continues it’s relentless date with gravity, although now with an additional tributary, because you dared to interrupt it’s flow.  10 years down the line and it’s these tributaries which are now the focus of my attention.

My journey has been a steep learning curve.  I spent most of the first half trying to identify and experiment with anything to take away the pain.  I’ve now spent most of the second half backtracking and continually asking myself, what might be the longer term implications of taking this?  There is no substitute for experience.

I continually have to remind myself that I am one of the lucky ones.  I have everything the 21st Century has to offer at my disposal.  It’s difficult to imagine how it must have been in the past, a scary place that’s best not to go, but suffice to say an era which generated the Beast’s much feared reputation, together with that unfortunate but justifiable and understandable name.

Halfway through the nightshift, the Beast did his thing shortly after midnight, I opened my red eye and, just like every other night the clock read 0012.  How does he do that?  30 minutes spent being thrown around the bedroom like a rag doll, having my head smashed against the wall, a power drill boring into the side of my head and into my right eye.  Then, the feeling of sulphuric acid being poured into the open wounds and the intense burning pain.  Another one done for the diary, is it me or does it seem to take longer and longer to recover?

“Take the tablet” I hear you cry.  Meanwhile, all I have running around my head are questions; is it a dam, will it lead to another tributary?  Thank your God for this forum, don’t let the jokes fool you, they just help mask the pain.

Does the Beast always win?  Is it better to let him win, because if you try to block him do you end up paying and then some?  Am I being defeatist or am I just being realistic?  It’s 0430 and time to get back in the starting blocks, he’s coming……

Oh Sean, I'm so sorry. Obviously things are bad. Seems like you really have gone chronic.

"Is it better to let him win, because if you try to block him do you end up paying and then some?  Am I being defeatist or am I just being realistic?" 

I can so identify with that.  Sometimes I feel I have to let him win or suffer the consequences.  In fact I'm running scared when I'm keeping him at bay

Thanks Guys

Jane and I are just struggling to come to terms with it.  I was due to end on 4 December.  We've been clinging on to the wreckage desperately hoping it was just a long episodic bout.  Juana (who has been absolutely wonderful and amazing) thought that the recent low pressure may have been a factor so we were clinging on to some last ditch hope, but we're kidding ourselves really, I know this is completely different to my normal bout routine.

Am I right in thinking Peter went CCH, but then returned to ECH?

Sean

Sean said:

Am I right in thinking Peter went CCH, but then returned to ECH?

Sean, some sufferers do - I have, after more than 25 years!